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are up here.

and what a fine town it was to shoot.

more soon on the 206, but if you ever have a chance to visit during summer [read: not too rainy time], do it.

a

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while the meteorologists feverishly remind us that ‘it’s not over yet!’ and ‘there could still be devastating consequences to come!’ and, [my favorite] ‘there’s a new one forming off the coast of Africa as we speak!!’, New Yorkers pass each other on the leaf-infested damp sidewalks and all exchange a silent giggle. we believed them. we stood in line for batteries and water and emailed apologies to ex-lovers in hopes of absolution before this thing hit and some of us woke up every hour to make sure the house wasn’t about to cave in, we made cookies and huddled together – our house housing refugees from Red Hook [2 miles down the road] and we believed them.

but it never came.

some big rain and big winds that the television stations have been trying so hard to make you believe was a horrendous act of fury simply never came. by the time it got here, it was downgraded [again] to a tropical storm. oh sure, we had branches blown off and parts of Manhattan are under water – some others without power but that’s what happens sometimes in a big fucking storm.

was this Katrina’s fault? better yet – the people in charge when Katrina hit? did we all of a sudden become overly cautious or do we still desperately need to sell television commercials and open our umbrellas of togetherness to temporarily forget about the state that the country has gotten itself into?

Mom and Dad owe money to the bank and start fighting about whose car gets sold first to cover the mortgage and little Timmy just wants them to stop yelling so he runs into the living room screaming about the snake in the garden.

maybe that’s a stretch, but I can tell you from being here and watching the news how comical it’s been for us. I woke up and walked upstairs to the kitchen where our brave cast of 4 + dog + cat were and from the looks on all of their bemused faces, they might have been standing in the park with signs about their head that read ‘free shrugs’.

nothing happened, just a lot of wind and rain. and, brother, lemme tell ya – there are some pissed off people right now in New York City.

people who were told to leave their homes, people whose homes had the electricity shut off preemptively, people who couldn’t go anywhere because mass transit was shut down, people who couldn’t go to work and make money, people who couldn’t fly in and people who couldn’t fly out.

but they were just being cautious, some might say. fine – but they’re looked to for guidance. they’re supposed to tell us when it’s safe and when it’s not and they chose wrong for a whole lot of folks.

look, I know some people are in a bad spot right now and I know I should consider myself lucky – which I do – to have made it through all of this with only a few wet spots in the basement and a large package of humorous content for the years to come, but at the same time, NYC – the baddest, nastiest and toughest city in the world just publicly freaked-the-fuck-out over an earthquake that some mistook as indigestion and then singlehandedly kept plywood merchants in business for the next few years with their Hollywood fear of the hurricane-tornado.

we got punked – we’re happy to be alive, but we got punked. a combination of Mother Nature and the powers that be unknowingly joined forces to have a laugh at our disaster-ready mentality.

and, unfortunately, what you now have is a city of people who were ordered to leave their homes, only to watch nothing really happen.

the boy who cried wolf could potentially be a city – and one I can almost guarantee will try to hold it’s ground the next time something big and nasty tries to visit.

now, that’s scary.

• - here's hoping Brooklyn stands up to Irene tonight. I can't die living in a room I decorated with 80% IKEA.
• - 'hunker down' is now a nationwide term? Oklahoma is, once again, a trend-setter.
• Verizon just sent me a reminder to pay my bill. think I'll wait 'till next Tuesday. THIS IS THE END. Vespa's float, right? I need more wine.
• - first mandatory evacuation in history of NYC? wow. good luck, Zone A-ers.
• - my momentary security blanket re: Irene has now turned to horror as I was mixing up hurricanes and tornados. and live in a basement. shit.
• - nothing like filling out an expense report to remind you of the alcoholic you really are.
• RT @ the combo of the hour nap I took & the newly acquired book by @ is keeping me up. my body will not thank me tomorrow.
• - like Janis? then start listenin' to Etta.
• - it's nice to jaywalk again. and be insulted traditionally, as opposed to passive aggressively.
• - New York City… ew.
• - so long, Seattle. and thanks for all the fish.
• - I leave NYC for 10 days and they get an earthquake? no fair.
• r.i.p. Nick Ashford. Motown died a little tonight.
• - the best part about drinkin in a strange town is that no one knows you. it's also the worst.
• - craziest. homeless. people. ever.
• - I somehow ended up in another state.

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panic on the streets of London / panic on the streets of Birmingham

I wonder to myself / ’could life ever be sane again’?

I woke up this morning to the roommates moving everything from our gorgeous back garden to the basement-which-is-also-my-room. ‘sorry man’, said Dave, ‘we waited as long as we could’.

as I sleepily walked out and helped them zip-tie to the fence every possible thing that could be zip-tied to a fence, I thought about Dave’s early morning [9.40a] apology:

‘we waited as long as we could.’

… and it got me thinking. what if, on Sunday evening or Monday morning, the city was a focus of more Hollywood trailer-voiced over-dramatic lines?

‘but no one could predict…’

‘…would change the way they lived forever.’

et al.

I’m still not entirely convinced, to be honest. not to take away from the poor souls being evacuated a few miles from where I write this, but in the history of New York, New Yorkers have an amazing way of coming together for the worst. we saw that almost a decade ago – but there have been other instances throughout history. it’s a tough town, but it’s also a close-knit town. during times like this, it doesn’t seem to matter than you’ve been here for 5 months or 5 years – everyone’s a New Yorker. full stop.

but mass hysteria is a proponent of a world run now on social media. back in 1821, there were no iPhones to Facebook the impending doom of the Weather Channel’s predictions – there was a guy in town who lived next to another guy who’s neighbor was on his roof and shouted ‘shit!’, but probably not in time. but iPhones and Facebook and the Weather Channel need to sell iPhones and Facebook ads and Weather Channel sponsors. so there’s a large part of me that thinks this is – in a large amount – a Turn The Page type overreaction. the mayor says ‘get out’, of course he does. better to say ‘sorry for overreacting’ over ‘sorry for not reacting quick enough’. no one will fault him for that. but still…

I don’t know.

the storm herself has already been downgraded to a category 1 and Mary Maury, my stylist barber who gave me my monthly Keratin blowout dry razor shave while punching me, even commented that she was staying open all day, seeing how ‘New Yorkers love a bit of drama’. and Maury has been holding down Park Slope, Brooklyn before it became safe, so I believe her him. it would have been nice to remind me that I can’t get my hair wet for 3 days because of the Keratin product into the boxing ring, but she gave me her umbrella some Muscle Milk to make up for it.

so here I sit. my stuff is off of the basement floor, we’ve filled up buckets and sinks and bathtubs with water to 1 and 2, the drinking started a while ago, because hey…

and the longer I sit, the longer wonder what it’s going to be like – not so much during, as it’s all a lot of wind and rain, but more to what the aftermath will be like. mass transit has already been shut down, which is something that never happens, and if things get bad, then the bridges will all be closed, turning Manhattan into the Gotham you always see in Escape From New York and Batman – a quarantined island of bad decision makers.

but we shall see. and it stands now, I get the feeling this is a whole lot of build up for what is simply going to be a whole lot of shitty weather. and the guys telling us all of this are not known for their ability to be constantly correct with the weather [sorry, Jim], so you can’t blame me.

it’ll at least be interesting – I love a good adventure.

more soon…

possibly.

but if this was my final post, be sure and check out my hair at the funeral. if it’s curling up again, I’d like someone to have a word with Maury.

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look, I’m not saying New Yorkers don’t have a reason to be jumpy. make all the fun you want out of the recent earthquake, but this close to that day and you can’t fault anyone for thinking the worst. a good portion of folks here were around on the day and every one of ‘em had the same look when replaying it – that slight head tilt with one eyebrow raised – thinking mostly it was an attack on the subway line.

so, you have to give them that.

but when I woke up this morning and came into work, catching glimpse of the front pages outside my little bodega I go to every morning for a bagel 14 pieces of fruit, I did have to roll my eyes a little bit inside.

‘Target: New York” was a bit much, no? I mean, it’s going to be messy – what with the concentration of people and trash and opinions and price-jacking, but the office today was one Bill Pullman speech away from being Base Camp for what was about to be an all-out attack.

Interns were being sent to buy water, duck tape, flashlights and all of the batteries they could fight for – and there were, he reported, fights. Mostly over water.

Co-workers were busy calming their parents down or text messaging old girl/boyfriends. if I’m going to hunker down, they all seemed to write, I might as well have a little fun. or was that it? I mean, anyone can find an excuse in NYC to get away from the extremities, so it had to be more than that, right? who wants to watch the end of the world alone? no one, I suppose.

I made the mistake of going to Best Buy to buy some speaker wire. they had someone positioned in the front saying that ‘all extension cords, radios and flashlights were sold out’.

and then there was the drive home. sure, it’s Friday and sure, it’s Manhattan, but abandon all hope ye who haileth cabs. no way. I pulled up next to one who had no one, was turning others away, getting himself back to Queens. boxes and boxes of crates that used to hold bottled water piled outside…

and then there was the line to get gas.

40 minutes I waited to fill The Black Mamba [bottom left] and 10 minutes to put in $6.38.

I didn’t know the pumps ran slow when the gas was almost out, but it does.

and then I came home to see that the roommates had bought $100 worth of water and 3 large plywood pieces to cover the windows.

and all I have is wine and a few slices of pizza.

I might start to freak out a little bit tomorrow – maybe with good reason, or maybe to get into the spirit of it all.

because, let’s be honest – it’s not a party until the guy who lives in the basement loses the plot a little, right?

more tomorrow – if the intraweb and things work.

if not, remind my nephew to always take advantage of an intern running errands.

a

 

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shame on me. oh my god, I’m sorry. look at what I’ve done. a thousand apologies. etc and et al.

I’ve been busy here in the land of good seafood and passive-agressive judgementation.

but it’s been an adventure.

I leave Seattle in a few days back for the post-apocalyptic earthquake-surviving NYC and gosh, I do hope everything is back to mid-normal.

me? I’ve had an adventure.

spent a lot of time in a town I’ve never spent a lot of time in.

met superheros.

took a roadtrip of 1000+ miles to pay homage to one television series, one movie and 6 friends.

I smell of good beer and shocklingly fantastic weather.

got some videos and photos and stories and opinions and all sorts of stuff.

so I’m checking in to say ‘hello’ and stuff.

how are you?

good, I hope.

more soon.

much, much more soon. there’s a lot been happening.

a

p.s. the ebook looks amazing and will be up on Amazon, along with the finalized version of the hard copy, in a few weeks. and then it will be official – I will be completely and utterly up my own ass.

• - off on the most wonderful of adventures. so excited that I even took a preemptive Immodium AD.
• - @ asks me to do strange things to myself.
• - Seattle. best known for cool kids, and weird parents.
• - eBook versions of 'the shanghai [exile] diaries' headed out for testing today. look for it on Amazon in the next few weeks!
• - oh man, Seattle. you're gorgeous!

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well, thanks, little nephew of mine.

it’s been a helluva year, since my last birthday…

let’s see:

- Josie and I spent my 34th cruising on Absurdity in the South of England, if you learn to sail, you can have her [boat].

- after that, I went to go see Nico [he'll be a quasi-uncle to you] in Paris and had the time in Paris that everyone wants.

- but I got into a little bit of trouble with the U.K. government, and had 30 days to leave.

- so, naturally, I dragged Josie to Vietnam. to live.

- we stayed there for a few months, but ended up going our separate ways. she to Australia to work. me to Oregon to finish a book.

- a few months into my stay in Bend, I finally got to meet you. and that very day, I started writing another book.

- a month of so after that, I flew to Perth to see Josie for her birthday. we took a campervan around wine country. it was fun.

- a few months later, I left Bend for a month in Oklahoma and the promotional run of the book would be released. it sold out.

- a few weeks after that, I got the call that I never thought I’d get – I was about to take a job in New York fuckin City! I’ve now been here a little more than 4 months and it’s been amazing. I’ve been sending you little postcards and stuff, hopefully one day you’ll be able to check them out.

- my birthday was spent with a lot of friends. which, considering how short I’ve been here, should tell you how lucky I am.

… so there you go, nephew – it’s been a fun 34th year. you just started walking and by the time my 36th [ugh] rolls around, you might even be able to talk with me on the phone a little bit. a lot of your and my birthdays will be spent on the phone, but I’ll try and make that up to you.

so, thanks for the card and the cheeky little grin. I showed this to a lot of people here and they all thought you were amazing.

and I think so too.

love,

Uncle Aric

• : decided against packing my OKC Thunder t-shirt for my 10 days in Seattle next week. [but, for the record - go, Thunder!]
• - there will be a time, in my not so distant future, when I will regret eating 2 portions of jerk chicken from the food truck outside.
• - cats are manipulative. v-neck t-shirts, however, might be the way forward.
• - there's a rumor going around that I might get to see @ in Seattle in a week or so?! [ be jealous @ @ ]
• - I get immense satisfaction out of laughing loudly at people who jog in place at intersections in order to keep their heart rate up.
• - rain, rain in Gotham. when I said 'I need to get ready for next week's trip to Seattle', this isn't exactly what I meant.
• - Christian Bale almost ruined Huey Lewis' 'Sports' for me… almost.
• - I've been to Ikea twice today. and both times have walked out having bought nothing. there's something wrong with me. for both.
• - Harley's-no. Triumph's-yes.

• - so, I just got tattooed by a former member of The Blue Man Group.
• - hipster or homeless? lesbian or little boy? oh, Brooklyn, you do entertain.
• - Lenny's Sandwiches are horrendous. dry chicken and old lettuce. why is this place sworn by?
• - in Seattle from Aug 15th-24th if anyone wants to totally hang out and stuff.
• - the one time of year I let Mom's call go to voicemail. a tradition since I had a answering machine for her to sing 'happy bday'. love it.