My first post should be a blatant self-promotion, no? My little project ’cause I’m bored, theshanghaishow, keeps me busy, but occasionally, makes me laugh, which this guy did:
Don’t get me wrong, my ‘I hate China’ days are starting to out-number my ‘I love China’ days and thus, the plan for a January move – but things like this make it tolerable…no, fun.
This is something I struggle with – how honest to be when it comes to life here. Of course, it’s the Wild West, I’ve said that many times before and stand by it – where else is a punk kid with a few years of presenting under his belt going to become a somewhat respectable producer? But life here is…hard. This town turns people into assholes, and I’m still not sure who’s fault that is. Life is too easy (for guys)? My maid will clean up the mess my other rich friends and I made last night while on the drugs we could afford and the sex we barely have to lift a finger to get? Sure, that might make somone an asshole. Or is life here, living with the Chinese? It. Ain’t. Easy. I say that with all the respect for the people I’ve met and have been kind to me. But it. Ain’t. Easy. And I’m going really subdued here. Or, is it simply that people with characteristics of an asshole seem to flock to Asia and can finally be who they really are? Who knows, but, for the same reason I occasionally stop drinking every few months for a week is the same reason I’m leaving…
To make sure I can.
Hmm… seems someone has a bad case of expat fever. Don’t worry Aric, there’s a cure, but it might take TWO brews to completely explain, ha ha.
No, China doesn’t turn people into assholes… and yes, it’ll bring in the losers who suddenly think they’re hot stuff because they suddenly have a goodlooking golddigger girlfriend. My situation was very different from most, in that I worked exclusively with highly educated locals and spent very little time with other expats, but I had enough interaction to see that although there are some great ones there, and it seems you’ve met quite a few of them, the vast majority are not the kind of people I care to hang around.
Quality of life, no matter where you live, is mostly dependent on the company you keep and the neighborhood you live in. Even the best of people will be affected negatively when in the wrong environment.
The best advice on this I ever received was from a guy I traveled with to Chile on my first overseas trip in 1989. He said, “Never compare cultures. If you do, you’ll be disappointed. Just accept things the way they are and you’ll have a great time.”
He was right. But think about what happens when you hang with a bunch of expats, probably while drinking in an Irish pub… most sit around bitching about the locals and how they are so much better, smarter, more worldly, etc., not like the primitives around them that seem to annoy them so much. That cultural superiority rears its ugly head.
Once you separate a culture from your own, you create an invisible barrier between you and that same culture. But if you see everyone as essentially the same, then that barrier doesn’t exist and you can relate more easily to Shanghainese and they’ll begin to tell you, “you’re not like other westerners, you’re the first one I feel is a true friend”, etc.
I’m throwing this out there, knowing a lot of expats will read it and may bash me for it but I’ve done it since most who read this are not the people I’m talking about, but trying to fit into the culture as best they can. It’s easy to get off track since it’s always easier to hang with your own kind than to take the harder step and leave the expat world for the real one.
I’ve talked to expats living in China who have been there for years, speak Chinese reasonably well, and still consistently commit cultural faux pas because they never left the expat world to find out how everyone else lives, thinks and acts. The Chinese in their world need to conform to expat values and customs, not the other way around. So they get the wanna be’s and the bloodsuckers, then bitch about how Shanghai girls (actually, their girlfriends) only care about money.
Some of the nicest, purest and best women I’ve ever met were Shanghai girls, very few of whom ever dated a westerner because a) they don’t casually date b) they would never talk to a stranger in a bar or without being formally introduced first and c)before you ever kissed them, you would have done things with them as friends and then asked them to be your girlfriend, with an unstated understanding that you are both pursuing a possible marriage.
Incidentally, your maid DOES think you’re an asshole while cleaning up your mess; she just doesn’t say it since she’s doing her job and trying to make a living. I used to catch a lot of that kind of conversation since some of my local friends wanted me to explain why their expat bosses, who didn’t have nearly the training or the education they had, treated them like they were idiots.
You said that life was easy for guys, then said Life. Ain’t Easy. What you’re showing me is that by thinking about it and bringing it up, you’re not an asshole but someone who realizes over time that certain lifestyles… just… ain’t… right.
Geez, I’m like a babbling brook here. I’ll leave the rest to when we get together but all I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to leave Shanghai for the reasons you give. If you want to leave for other reasons, that’s fine but what you’re suffering through is definitely curable… and you’re a better man than you think for realizing it!
Where do you belong? What do you want for your life?